This past year I did something I’ve been talking about for several years: I formed a kickball team. I went out on a limb and paid to join the rec kickball league. I signed us up before I even knew we had enough players. I was determined to do something different this summer.
While I didn’t know that we were signing up for the ultra competitive league full of athletes who barely missed the professional kickball circuit (and one old lady who was clearly on steroids). What I have found is that this has been a great thing for my marriage.
My wife and I need to be on the same team. We need to compete for a common goal that is fun and gets the blood flowing. One of the things that I’ve learned over the past several years is that too often we are competing for different things. We are competing about more time at work, or who is going to run the kids around, or who gets to check in with various friends. The reality of our life is that sometimes it feels like we are both doing our own separate things for the greater good, but we forget that we are in this together. It isn’t even that we are running in different directions, but rather that we are just running parallel lives.
Kickball reminds us that we are on the same team. And while sometimes it may feel difficult, and we may never win a game, all of that is okay because we are doing it together. It also reminds us to have fun. Even though we have three small children, two jobs, and a boatload of other responsibilities, we need to have fun in our relationship.
It is so easy to go through life and get into mundane routines that almost beat the fun and friendship out of the relationship. Kickball has become a little blip of guaranteed fun for our life. We carve out the time because we made a commitment, and at the end of every game I look over at my wife happy that we are doing this together.
It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s about finding the joy with the people you are doing life with.
What can you do to get you and your spouse on the same team?
What are you doing to have fun in your life and is it enough?
How can you find more joy with the people who are closest to you?