#161: Summer Shepherd: No Seriously, How Do I Do This?
Christian podcast host and radio personality Summer Shepherd wants to help us all wrestle with the question: No seriously, how do I do this?
We talk about parenting, deployments, and the importance of a good community.
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EP. 161
Tony: [00:00:00] Hey everybody. Welcome back to the reclamation podcast or our goal is to help you reclaim good practices for faith and life. I'm Tony. And today is episode 1 60, 1 of the podcast where I sit down with fellow podcaster, mother, and wife to deployed soldier summer. Summer. And I met over the winter at a podcasting conference and her story is incredible.
She's got a great podcast known as no seriously. How do I do that? That's the name? It's amazing. Loved the name. And today we talk about motherhood. We talk about living the faith. We talk about all the things I think you're going to love her voice. Her posture here, humility. I think it's just really good for such a time as this.
So Hey, do me a favor. If you'd like this episode, please go subscribe to hers. Let her know that you heard her here on the reclamation by guests. Also, if you could leave a rating or review [00:01:00] on iTunes or Spotify, it goes a long way to help spread the word about what God is doing in and through this platform.
And as always the highest compliment you can give us, share this episode with us. So thankful for each and every one of you now that any further ado, here's my conversation with summer shepherd. Hey everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm excited today to be here with a friend that I've met in person, not just an internet friend, but a fellow podcaster Christian podcast or summer shepherd summer.
Thank you so much for taking the time today.
Summer: Oh my goodness. Gracious. Thanks for having.
Tony: And we met in Nashville at the spark media where you are an award-winning podcast. Or if
Summer: I recall my goodness,
Tony: I know, right. There's too much talent to go around here,
says I'm kind of curious. You're a mom, you're a podcast or you're a DJ. You do a whole bunch of stuff on the radio. [00:02:00] How would you describe the calling that God has placed on your life?
Summer: It was a couple of years ago. I think that I finally found the words to put to it and it's pretty simple. I would say that my mission is to let people know that they are loved and not only.
Whatever that looks like. And so as a jock on the radio, talking in between songs, the stories that I tell, the encouragement that I offer, it's all filtered through that to let people know that they are loved and not alone the podcast it's to let people know that they're loved and not alone conferences.
I lead even the way that I speak to my kids and people. I meet at the grocery store, everything I do, I want to be done through that framework to let people know that they're loved and not alone.
Tony: Well, I, you know, as you say that, I'm like, oh, that makes, that makes great sense. Right. It feels super easy.
Right. And you know, like, God wants that for us. Obviously. I'm curious what your thoughts are on why so many of us, myself included at times [00:03:00] struggle with the idea that I'm loved and with people on this mission, you know what I mean? Like where's the disconnect where we start to begin that, oh, maybe God's promises don't apply.
Summer: I think that a lot of what the enemy does. Is he strives to get us on our own and whether it is, you know, physically like we're isolated from others or more often, I think it's the illusion of isolation. It's those insecurities that are whispered to us that no one else would understand what we're going through.
That the way that we perceive we are failing right now is unique to us. But if anyone else knew. The ways that we were unqualified for the job we have for the kids we have for the marriage that we have, well, they would take it all away. And I think that we end up going so inward in our insecurities that we struggle in silence.
And we believe this lie that we are not loved, that we are not cared for, that we are not seen. [00:04:00] And the reality is God has put people in our life to come alongside us. But even if every single one of them left, he is. And he sees and he knows, and he loves unconditionally intrinsically. And I think the greatest thing the enemy can do is just whispered no, he doesn't.
But look at you. You're so broken. You're such a mess. No one knows the real you, because if they did, they'd run away and we might intellectually know that that's a lie and yet over and over, those same lies are spoken and we just keep believing them and we have to keep bringing them back to the.
Tony: That's so good.
And I think it's so true, right? Or the weakest when we're by ourselves and in the recovery community, we always say that we're prone to make a bad decision when we're hungry, angry, lonely, tired, when we're in a halt kind of environment, you know? And so that resonates deeply you know, I love how quickly and how clearly you articulated your call.
And I think there's probably somebody listening right now. Who's like, [00:05:00] Man. I, I, if you were to ask me that question, I have no idea. So can you kind of take us on the journey of how did you, how did you get to a place where loved and not alone became the shield that you were going to champion in the communities where you find yourself?
Summer: I think it started with me looking in the mirror. I mean, like, what do you need to hear? What is that thing that I so desperately need spoken over my life? And it's that I'm loved because sometimes when I consider myself in those hard and dark moments, I don't see someone worth loving. And on the outside people might be like, oh look, he's just a great mom.
Look at all this cool stuff you do for the Lord. But on the inside, I see things they don't see. I see, I see things. I would never let them see. And so I need to feel seen and known and loved. And be reminded that I'm not alone because there are times where we sit with dejection or rejection and we are just like, Lord, I'm all by myself.
Why have I been abandoned? [00:06:00] And that is another lie that we believe. And I think for me, it just, it came from what do I need to hear? And then I would look at my life and the opportunities that he had laid before. And I started to sift through those and look for commonality, common denominators. Like this is what I've been given to do on air.
As I encourage people. And I envisioned my listeners in their car at the drop-off line at school, or preparing dinner, or just sitting alone in their room or at work with earbuds. And it's like that person, they need to be reminded right now that they're loved because even the best of us, some days forget, and that they're not alone.
And I just over and over groups, I've spoken with people I've mentored. That's just the cry of the heart. All of us. It's just an intrinsic need. We need air, we need water. We need shelter. We need to know that we are loved and not alone.
Tony: Yeah, no, that resonates. And it's so funny how quickly I am to talk myself out of that idea.[00:07:00]
Like I could, well, you know, that's probably true for someone else that may not be true for me. What are some of the daily disciplines that you do? I love to kind of get in the weeds on this stuff to stay connected to your mission and to stay connected to your faith and. And let's throw the kids in there too, because you've got four kids.
Summer: Right.
Tony: A million, four equals a million. I, you know, I kind of, anytime you go past man to man and you'd go to Zim, it just gets crazy. So yeah. W what do you do to stay connected on a daily basis? What are some of your daily disciplines? The things that, you know, in order to be the best version of summer, you have to do these things.
Summer: Okay. Well, I can give you the right answer and I can give you the truth. Yeah. Okay. So the right answer is I know that I am at my best when, first of all, I get sleep. Oh my goodness. My marriage, my parenting, my spiritual life, my professional life. It all falls apart. If I'm not [00:08:00] sleeping. Okay. Embrace the, now I need.
Like eight to nine. Like if I, if I look at my watch and it says I only got seven and a half, I'm like, okay guys. Yeah, mama needs a nap. That's me to function, optimally, you know, in those there's those other things, you know, you drink enough water, you exercise you, but spending time in the word, it's one of those things that we know that.
And we love it when we do it. And yet some days often it is so hard to do. It's like the very things that are the best for us that feel the best when we do them are the hardest things to do. And so when I can make spending time with the Lord more than just something to check off a little. When I can close the door, close the curtain to my studio, you know, spend time in silence.
That's a big thing for me is spend time listening. I spent a lot of time talking. I try to spend more time listening. Then my soul feels fed. I [00:09:00] receive from the Lord what he might have for me to share that day. I'm more receptive to then listening to my spouse and my children. That's the right answer.
That's when my life works well, the way my life works more often, however, I'll be honest is I often feel like I'm playing catch up. I feel like I sleep in when I shouldn't I eat what I shouldn't, I'm racing all the time. I'm winging it with work. I am, you know, there to meet my kids' basic needs, but so often I'm not the person that I want to be.
And I think that. Very often what comes out of my mouth. What I am speaking into others' lives are the very things that I need to hear in January of last year, I guess. I'd put out a podcast, Toni, about mom guilt, about those things that we feel shame for, that we shouldn't feel shame for. And then for the next three months, I was under such a cloud of shame and I had to go back and relisten to the things that came out [00:10:00] of my own mouth.
Because I mean, do, as I say, not as I do, I feel like unfortunately that's way more true than I want it to be.
Tony: I think most podcasters, I fall into this category I podcast, so that I'm less of a disaster than I was before. You know what I mean? Like the conversations and let's talk a little about your podcast.
No, seriously. How do I do this is the name of the podcast, which I love how did you get to this like, place of like, okay, I'm going to do this and it's going to look like this. And and, and how'd you come up with?
Summer: Oh, gosh. So I had another podcast that I had started back in 2018. That I'd been, in fact, we just wrapped up.
And that was a virtual book club, right? It had a lot of fun, had a lot of good, deep, meaningful conversations, but the conversation was broached by my leadership team to maybe start another one. And I didn't know what it was going to be about. I [00:11:00] thought I had an idea, but someone I'm very close to actually he's already doing that and way better than I could have pulled it off.
Right. So I'm like, okay, well maybe that's not the direction. And I was sitting with someone I trust in a position of leadership in my organization. And he had just kind of thrown out there. He was like, yeah. So if you want to, you know, hear really cool God's story stories. You listen to Meredith's podcast.
You want to hear about parenting. You listen to summers and I didn't have the heart to tell them, well, that's not all my podcast is about man. Cause you know, this is my boss. So it's like, whenever you say, bro, but then I started sitting with that and I'm like, Lord, this is what you've given me. Other than being on the radio when I'm not actively on the radio.
I'm with my kids. Like those are the two things that I know how to do. That is something that I could speak to, but then I'm like, okay, well, what am I qualified to speak to you when it comes to parenting? And all I could think of was how unqualified I really am and how I know that I'm not alone in that.
And I'd speak into enough women's groups [00:12:00] and address that topic of, you know, mom guilt and shame and, and where we feel like we're hiding. I'm like, I think that's the conversation that I need to have. I can't go on there and pretend to be an expert, offering people, Sage wisdom. I just need to be willing to go first in saying that I don't know how to do this as well as I pretend to.
And so I pitched it to my team. It's like, you know, I want the vibe to kind of be like, you know, less, this is how you do this and more, no, seriously, how do you do this? And then the name just kind of stuck. And so I get a sit down. And I get to talk to artists and experts and authors, and then local moms of just the things that we all deal with.
But don't talk about enough, especially in the church and it gives us an opportunity to go there.
Tony: So I am hoping that you might be able to, to kind of educate those of us who aren't moms about mom guilt. Cause I don't think that dads have the same.[00:13:00] Stress, you know, honestly, if my kids are fed and watered, I'm pretty happy.
I feel like, Hey, good job, Tony, you just nailed it. Right? Like, and, and even last night my wife was going out to a Bible study. This is so great. She, she was like, Hey, I put the spaghetti out on the table. You know, all you have to do is make the noodles and the pasta. And I was like, do you really care what I do for dinner?
And she's like, just make sure they're fed. And I was like, you're comes Chinese food coming in. Right. Like, it was great. And but like, I, I feel like mom guilt is, it's so real for so many women. I know. And for even my own wife and she's an awesome mom, like she's the best I married up and she's wonderful.
And so I, so two questions kind of, where, where do you think this comes from? And if you could speak to the dudes out there, like what do we, how do we walk alongside the women in our life who are wrestling with.
Summer: Where I think it comes from is the [00:14:00] fact that when God designed family, he made it to be the clearest picture we have of his relationship to us.
And so you have all of these metaphors drawn between Christ and the church as a husband to his wife, the way we serve the way we live. And then you have, you know, the example of us as children of God. So you have this nuclear family, and this is the strongest picture of the kingdom that we have. And therefore, I think there was nothing that threatened Satan, more that he targets more than the family unit for that reason.
And as far as mom, guilt is concerned, there's a lot of areas. That I could point to as being like, well, this is probably why we struggle. I think it's a difficult season for women and mothers and many ways it's liberating and exciting. And I'm for it. I love that women are being empowered more than ever to pursue their passions and what the Lord has called them to [00:15:00] do.
But I feel like we are in a place I'm in a place where it's like, all right, I'm a creative, I'm driven. I have goals and dreams and a Korean. But I'm also the mom aren't I supposed to also be doing all of the cooking, all of the cleaning, all of the child rearing and whether or not that's how my husband feels.
I still carry that. So I think there's a lot of expectations being put on women to be all the things right now. But then when I sit down and I ask women, what are some of the things that you carry guilt for and shame for? I was preparing for a a mom's ministry that I was going to be talking. And I actually put out a poll to my different circles and asked them to be honest and share with me some of those things and the list that I got, Tony broke my heart because I had women saying.
I feel guilty that I work other women saying I feel guilty that I don't work. I feel guilty that [00:16:00] I breastfed too long and people gave me a face. I feel guilty that I couldn't breastfeed or that I didn't want to. I feel guilty that my husband had an affair. I feel guilty that I had a miscarriage. I feel so much shame for the fact that my husband abandoned our family.
I feel. You know, guilty that my kid is hyperactive. I feel guilty that my kid is antisocial. We put so much on ourselves. And so many of the things that women are feeling guilty for are exact opposites. Like there is, there's no winning everything, whether you do it too well or not, well enough, you feel shame for that.
And I just feel like being a parent is such a sacred responsibility and there's something in women, you know, just biologically that is more of that nurture that we just care. The way of the world on our shoulders, when it comes to our kids.
Tony: Do you think that there's any way to parent that out of the next generation? Do [00:17:00] we, or is it just, you know, a buddy of mine always says, it's the epistemic consequence of sin, right? Is this just the brokenness of the world playing out that we feel the need to compare ourselves to one another. And then the second question.
W as a husband, right? What can I, what, what can I do to help? I feel so helpless and mom guilt.
Summer: I feel like first of all, I want to acknowledge and love on you for asking that question, but it's also such a man question. You know, they say like men have a hard time listening without wanting to fix it. And I wish I could tell you how I wish I could tell you what it would require.
Now, I think that as far as parenting it out of the next generation, I, I don't know how to make it go away. And I wish that I did. I think that there are a lot of tangible things like staying away from social media would probably help or we're comparing our behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight reel.[00:18:00]
But I think for me, it comes down to being honest with our kids. And I think the greatest example that we can give to our kids is not how to live perfectly, but how to fail well. And so if I'm struggling with something, I want my kids within reason to be able to see that and to see how I'm dealing with it.
And if I, if I mess up, not be afraid to ask forgiveness and creating that safe space to have those conversations and the same thing with our spouses, I think that when it comes to this problem being. Propagated and growing and extending it's because we're so afraid to be seen in the midst of our guilt.
We are so afraid to have other, see what we feel like we're doing a pretty good job of hiding and that illusion of isolation just makes everything worse. And so acknowledging. Your wives, when you see them working hard, when you see them struggling, when you see them succeeding, when you see them failing, let [00:19:00] them know that they are seen and they're appreciated, don't assume that they know how you feel, right?
Like, well, I'd watch it. She knows. I love her. She knows. I think she's a great mom, but even in the midst of it, We need to be reminded that we are loved and not alone because especially as moms, oh my goodness gracious. We can feel surrounded by children and utterly alone at the same time. And so just acknowledging and seeing and appreciating your women is going to really
Tony: help everybody just pausing this conversation with summer to remind you that the reclamation podcast is part of the spirit and truth podcast.
Now. We love being part of the connection at spirit and truth. And we are a ministry of spirit and truth. So if you're looking for a place to help spread what God is doing in and through this platform, go to spirit and truth.life/give and consider becoming a monthly partner. Every monthly partner goes a long way and helping feed the mission of what God is doing [00:20:00] here.
And now let's continue our conversation with. We we're doing some marriage stuff when for D for deployments and I was in the reserves for a long time and you've got a connection to the reserves. And, and so we were doing these things called strong bonds retreats back in oh 7 0 8, where we would go around.
And one of the things that my mentor said at that retreat that still is with me all the time is that sometimes the best gift we can give our spouse is just sitting in a mud puddle with them. Right. And just decide that, Hey, I'm going to, I'm going to call on that mud puddle with you. And as a matter of fact, now, when I counsel couples, one of things I tell them all the time is to create a code term for, Hey, I just want you to listen and not do anything that seems like very similar to what you're talking about.
Just, Hey, I'm just going to sit in the mud puddle and and kind of go from there and, and see if that helps. Is that, is that. Articulate what you're what you're saying.
Summer: Absolutely. Absolutely just love on them and [00:21:00] let them know that you notice. And I think one thing that's really helped in my marriage, but it took a long time for us to get to this place.
My husband married so we have been married nine years and 11 years together. And this is still something I I'm going to be honest. I still struggle with, from time to time. I'm a very creative driven, ambitious person. I married a very quiet, reserved man, and he is naturally just the way he was raised by his old school Romanian mama.
He is just naturally more. Willing and excited about cooking and, you know, doing the dishes. I can't stand that stuff. And it's really hard for me because I'm like, I'm the wife, I'm the mother. I'm supposed to be the one who's doing all of the things. I'm supposed to be the one cooking and cleaning and being domestic and managing a career and raising my kids and doing all of that.
It was hard for us for a [00:22:00] long time to feel like we were getting the gender roles wrong. Like there is a very specific. Role that we are called to fill. And if we step outside that we're stepping outside God's will. And we had to reevaluate that and look at our marriage as a partnership. Honestly consider the way that God had made us and the strengths that he had given us and how we can work together to help our family to thrive.
And it's not something that I have fully just embraced perfectly. I still struggle sometimes feeling like a bad wife and a mother, cause I don't like doing the dishes more. But my husband has been willing to step in and acknowledge. Look, here's, summer's giftings. Here's where she can do it, but she'd rather not hear a, my giftings here where I can do it, but I'd rather not.
And he met me there and he wasn't afraid to step outside of what society might tell him a real man looks like and support his family. And so men that are listening. [00:23:00] Look, it's it doesn't make you less of a man to change a diaper or to load or unload the dishwasher or, you know, to take the kids to ballet lessons.
And I think we're getting to a point where our society's embracing that more, but stepping in and carrying some of that weight for her that might, that might really help her to see that she's in fact, in a partner.
Tony: I love that. And I, and I really appreciate the language of the partnership. I think that that's really important and feels like a kind of a cornerstone to any good marriage.
Do you guys, either as a family or as a couple have any like things that you love to do to help you guys stay connected spiritually or any rhythms? You know, I mean, there are different seasons in my life where we'd be like, oh, we're we definitely date? Once a month or we, you know, we, Karen and I love to pray together.
Before we go to sleep, do you guys do anything like that? Any, any rhythms out there that are like, [00:24:00] oh man, we we'd be lost if we didn't do those things.
Summer: I think making that time for connection between us, I think is so imperative and sometimes a date night could look like. You know, the babysitter coming over and us going to a nice dinner and a movie, but it doesn't have to, especially early on in our marriage, we first had her, our daughter, we would sometimes just put her to bed.
We would pull out a board. We'd order some sushi, we'd put on a playlist and have a glass of wine and we would just play games and talk. And it was like the cheapest, most fun date we've ever had. And we still do that. You know, we will, you know, we might vege in front of, you know, Netflix for two hours or we might just play a board game and that's been a huge thing for our.
It's just finding the board games that are fun with only two people and they're a little bit more limited. And then that way we have time for competition and fun and laughter and conversation, and we're able to just be [00:25:00] together. Cause I think that when you have a bunch of little kids, Tony, that's something that gets sacrificed is that one-on-one time you do it for, you know, with all the best intentions.
But if that relationship doesn't stay. Tight. If you don't maintain that friendship and that romance, then your children will suffer. And the prayer is a big thing for us to praying with and for each other. But I honestly, I think it's those board game, date nights.
Tony: I love that simple, easy. And like you said, super cheap while we're on the topic of your marriage, they're the big, some big life change coming up for you guys.
I'm wondering if you could share a little bit about what's going on and, and kind of how you're feeling about it. And maybe what you're doing with those feelings. Cause I imagine there's some people who are facing major life change and it may not look exactly like yours, but but man, [00:26:00] big things on the horizon can feel like boulders and super scary.
Summer: So we are now. Less than a week away. We are a handful of days away from Adrian deploying. As you mentioned, we are a military family. He's a reservist. It's one of those things that we signed on knowing it was possible, but never fully expected. It would happen to us. Yeah, he is going to be deploying and they are telling us it's going to be a little over 13 months.
And there was a lot of feelings with that. And if I gotta be honest, Tony. Exactly the way I expected it to go. As far as my feelings are concerned, there was things I was anticipating, man, I'm really going to mess them in man. Life's going to be inconvenient. But if I can be real, I think what freaked me out was when I sat there and I discovered a fear that it was going to be okay, like, people are like, you're going to be fine.
Yeah. You've got four kids, but you know, you've got support and you're going to be [00:27:00] okay. And I'm like, no, but you don't understand. That's I'm worried that I'm going to be. And that's why, again, it comes, there's no wind, right? Like you feel bad that you're going to miss them and that you're going to struggle.
And then you feel bad that you're not. And I do, I'm going to miss my husband, but I know we'll be okay. And I don't want to get to a point where he thinks, or we think even in the back of our mind, He's not needed to function as a family, that we can do this without him. There's a part of me. Like, I don't want to be able to do it without him, but I will.
I have to. And I think there's something scary about that. So that is something we're sitting with. We don't know what it's going to look like. We know that we are. Determined that no matter what it is going to work out, he made us all Teddy bears for, he left this little voice and I'm telling us how much he loves us.
And I was thinking of a name for mine. And I named my bear, [00:28:00] Charlie Mike, because in military language, Charlie, Mike means complete mission. It means no matter the hardship, you need to see this mission through to the end. And I'm like, that's what I want my marriage to be. I want it to be even in the face of hardships that we see it through.
We are going into this with all the question marks, but all the determination that whatever it looks like without him, whatever it looks like when he comes back, we're going to complete the mission.
Tony: That's a good word. What I really hear in that is that longterm vision is kind of the anchor that you're putting everything down with and, and yeah, really appreciate your vulnerability and honesty there.
W what are some of the conversations that you're having with your kids? You know, how, how are they, how are they doing with it? How do you parent through. So much uncertainty in a lot of ways, this is feels like, it feels like you're starting COVID over again.
Summer: Well, COVID actually, for us was kind of nice in the sense of, you know, I was very pregnant at the [00:29:00] first part of it.
And then I had very little babies for the rest of it, but it was time where we could all be together without distractions. And now we're, we're going to be separated and the kids they get. To an extent, you know, we'll be like, Hey, you know how sometimes daddy has to go for a couple of weeks and they're like, yeah, like, well, he's going to be going for a lot longer than that.
We sat them down together and we're like, what? Like a year, a little bit more bloated. And, but you know, at the time they were six and five, when we first broached the news and it's like, what, what does that mean? Well, it means that daddy won't be here for Christmas, but what about my birthday now? He's still going to be gone at your birthday.
What about my birthday yet? That one too. That's what a year means like a whole full year. And they know he's leaving for a long time. I think it's going to be when we're in it, that they start to really feel his absence. And [00:30:00] as far as how to parent through that. Well, we'll see, because we've never done this before.
I'm feeling great time.
Tony: You just mentioned go, go over and subscribe to the podcast. Seriously. How do I do this? I would imagine one or two episodes will be coming about this.
Summer: Oh my goodness. Yeah. All we know to do now is just try to keep busy. So. Every month I have something planned, you know, a camping trip or something where we can be like, Hey, only three more weeks until we get to do this.
Instead of having to say 13 more months until daddy's home. So little bite-size mile markers, things to look forward to and just honesty and just, you know, we actually have our daughter. She's been struggling with some non-related things that I only can anticipate are going to get worse when it comes to her mental health and self view and stuff.
So I have someone lined up that she's going to start talking to on a regular basis so that she can process through it. So trying to be proactive where we can and [00:31:00] lots of FaceTime, lots of Marco polo, lots of videos so that the kids don't forget them. That's his biggest fear is that the babies will.
Tony: Sure.
Yeah, I get that. And we hear that a lot in deployment and you know, I think the intentionality that you mentioned there will be huge and it'll make a big difference. How, how old is your daughter who you're lining up? Cause I love that. I love I love faith and mental health put together.
That's always a winning combination for me personally, but I'm curious at what age did you feel like that was an okay thing to start?
Summer: Be child to child that we never discussed, like, okay, at this age that, you know, we'll start introducing mental health professionals into the mix, but she has seven and we're, we're struggling in that is a lot of really negative self-talk when she's upset about things.
It's, it's rarely that she would lash out at us. She goes inward. And some of the things that she, you know, [00:32:00] says even at that age are kind of scary for a mom to hear. And so helping her find coping mechanisms and, you know, and just trying to get on top of any anxiety or depression that comes out with daddy gone and just having someone else on my team to help deal with that.
Her little sister struggles with pretty heavy anxiety and worry. And so, you know, it may be a different situation that we get her, you know, working with someone a little bit younger, even, you know, so I'm just trying to Keep that door open. And like you said, faith and mental health hand in hand, my husband did not grow up in a family where that was perceived as an acceptable thing.
And so it's been kind of a journey for, for him to see this.
Tony: One of the things that I've heard you say a couple of times now is this idea about the community that you have and having people on your team. And that language feels super intentional to me. And I love that. I think that there are probably a [00:33:00] lot of people listening men and women who really struggle with building community in your experience, what are some of the things.
That they can do to kind of get that ball rolling. How do we get past the awkward who do you want to go get a cup of coffee? You know, like are like, you know, how do we, how do we take that dive in to to real friendship and, and team
Summer: it's hard, man. Like when we're not in elementary school anymore, having kids that sit next to us in class or have homeroom with us, like we, it's hard to make friends as an adult.
And I hear that I would say. To look around you and see where your circles are. And I know during, you know, when a post pandemic, current pandemic, I suppose world as hard, you know, a lot of those natural places, they may have been taken away from you. You might be working from home now. And so finding a friend in the office might be more difficult.
But consider your church. Or if you go to the gym, consider your gym, consider your local coffee [00:34:00] shop. You see someone there more than once be like, Hey, you don't mean to be weird, but I'm going to be weird and silly my name and ask who you are. It takes a little bit of boldness to be willing to put ourselves in those awkward situations.
But when it comes to establishing a tribe, when you are struggling, when you're going through something, I think there's a lot of people. Who want to help. And I think for me, the greater struggle has been being willing to accept that help. I don't want to be a burden to anybody. I look at single moms who have to do this all the time, you know, and, and they're able to do it.
And here I'm whining because my husband's going to be gone for a year. Well, who am I to complain? And those kinds of lies. They, they buzz around in the in the back of my mind and really keep me from accepting help that's offered. And so that's been. That I've been on. It's just being willing to say, Hey, here's the need and yes, I accept your willingness to meet it.
Tony: [00:35:00] Yeah. I think receiving help is so hard. So it's so hard, but it's also such an important part of building that community and yeah, that's, that's, that's a really good word. I think Now I know that my listeners, they're prayer warriors. And you've got quite a season ahead of you. What are some of the things that we can specifically pray for as it relates to you and your mission and you know, whatever else, what can we, how can we pray for you in this season?
Summer: Thank you for asking. I think. In the season, there's just going to be a lot of adjustment for all of us. For me, when it comes to working my schedule around parenting for kids, you know, by myself for much of the day and for the kids in not having their daddy on hand and for Adrian and being isolated from his [00:36:00] kids and in a difficult environment.
So just helping us all adjust. And managing time and all of that and being willing to ask for help. Cause I know, I know that even though I know it's okay and it's good, it's still something I struggle with. And and the thing is, is if people could just be praying in general because I don't even know what the needs are going to be yet.
Cause we're not there. And as much preparation that goes into it, I know that I don't know what, I don't know, you know?
Tony: That's good. That's real good. Okay. I have one more question for you, but before I ask it, I know my listeners are gonna want to connect with you all over the interwebs. Where is the best place to learn all about you and the podcast, and to stay in tune with what God is doing in you and 3m?
Summer: Hmm. Well, they are welcome to it.
Yeah, add me on Facebook. You know, I'm a pretty easy to find and I post probably more [00:37:00] than I should. And on Facebook it's summer shepherd, a shepherd like the profession. So S H E P H E R D. I was thought that was going to be an easy thing for people. And it's shockingly difficult, but summer shepard.com.
It's also a way that in one stop you can reach out, you can connect to the podcast. You can connect to Facebook and other social platforms as well, but I would love to get to know your list.
Tony: They're the best. Okay. Last question. I always love to ask people. It's an advice question. Except I get to take you back to a very specific moment in your life.
And I'd like to take you back to the day after your wedding day. And you're newly married this handsome young man bright eyed and excited about what the future holds. If you could pull up in front of that younger version of summer and sit knee to knee with her and look her in the eyes.
What's the one piece of [00:38:00] advice you're going to give her? Oh my
Summer: goodness. She was so scared and she had so many questions. I would, I would tell her that it's not going to be what you expect. It's going to be so much better. And let go of the expectations that you have and just be open to an adventure because you're going to go places that you can imagine, and to be open to what God is doing and where he is leading.
Cause all the goals and ambitions that you have right now, he's going to blow him up. He loves to do that. He loves us to present to him the picture for our lives that we'd like to see happen and just take it, rip it up and give us something better. Yeah, she was pretty scared. Tony. She had come from a place where I had quite a background and my husband didn't and he was this vanilla pastor's kid.
And I just, it took me a long time to feel [00:39:00] good enough for him. And it, I would tell her like, you don't have to be good enough for him. That's not what you're called to. And and to let that go. Yeah. Of all expectations.
Tony: That's a good word. That's a good word, pastor summer. That's a good word. That'll preach.
Thank you so much for being generous and vulnerable and and authentic. And I just really value that. And I appreciate the time today and we will be praying for you and and following your PI along with your podcast and all that God's going to do in that. And through that. And I just can't wait.
Summer: Thank you, Tony. I appreciate so much you given me the opportunity to just chat and, and speak to your listeners and to be encouraged by you. And yeah. Thank you.
Tony: Hey guys, so thankful for summer and her voice and for all of you for being here, I love the way that she holds such a humble posture when it comes to figuring out what's [00:40:00] next, her life is messy and she celebrates that.
And I just appreciate. Do me a favor. Let her know that you heard her here on the podcast. Thank her for being on. And if you really like her voice, go follow her podcasts. No, seriously. How do I do this? And I think you'll find it very life-giving I'm thankful for each and every one of you. Don't forget.
Share this episode with a friend and remember guys, if you want to follow Jesus, you must be willing to move.
