What if she were different? What if he did more around the house? What if he/she could make more money? When I am working with couples we often go down the "what if" road.
What makes this question so dangerous is that it leads to a reality that isn't true. This line of thought is what often leads people to a place that causes them to disengage from the work at hand. When you are hurting in your relationship and start to dream about all the things that might have been, could have been, or even should have been we neglect the right now.
The tendency for most couples when things get tough is to take a step back and start questioning everything. What I would like to suggest is that we lean in and engage in the conversation. I would like to challenge you to go from "what if" to "what now." What now sets us up for engagement in solution with the spouse we have rather than the spouse we dream about.
Honestly, this thought process is pretty applicable to our relationship with God as well. What if God just delivered me from this pain? What if God did this, or God did that? The real question is, "What can I do with God right now?"
Right now is the time to eliminate the what if.